Agony
by BlackRose15
Summary: River's in a coma, one of the crew is kidnapped for ransom, and the Academy wants River for a new experiment they've cooked up. And this time, a certain Merc is a part of the experiment.. Rayne fic, rated for later chapters UPDATED
1. Intoduction To Agony

This is my first Firefly fanfic, although I have written some other fanfics. Hopefully I'll actually get around to finishing this one P.. Rated for later chapters. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.

I own none of the characters, just the story.

**Summary:**

After Miranda, River is faced with more problems. After a trip to Persephone she ends up in a self induced coma. Soon after one of the crew is kidnapped and they find out that the Academy has a new plan for River. This time however, their plans include a certain merc. The crew of Serenity has only a little time to plan how they can save their captured crewmember and River. And what will they do once they realize the outcome of the Academy's new study?

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**Agony**

**Intro to Agony**

River Tam exited the ship behind the rest of the crew, blinking in the bright sunlight of Persephone. She started along after the others, and then it was back; the mind-splitting agony.

The thoughts of the millions of people around her crashed into her exposed mind all at once, sending little sunbursts of color to rupture in front of her eyes. She fumbled to close her mind as she had learned in the Academy, but her defenses soon weakened and the emotions of others swirled in mercilessly.

Her onerelief was that she had also been taught to shield her emotions to the outside world. Nothing about her face would betray the pain she endured. Instead she put up more walls, locking her conscience away. If she couldn't lock away the emotions, she would lock herself away. She let her body go on autopilot, and tucked herself away once more in the vast caverns of her mind. The only indicator that something was wrong was the blank stare that crept into her eyes.

Although she was now accustomed to the thoughts and emotions of the Crews' minds, she was still vulnerable to the foreign thinking of the outside world. Even she, with all her training and discipline, was rendered helpless before the mass of thought ramming all at once into her brain.

'There must be a way to block this out,' she thought. 'What is wrong with me?'

**-----**

"She's doin' it again."

Simon whirled around to look at the big merc standing awkwardly behind him.

"What?"

"Crazy. She's got that gorramn crazy look on her face again," replied Jayne, jabbing a thumb at the young girl walking behind him.

River had the now-familiar distant look on her face. Ever since Miranda, River went into a sort of trance whenever she came onto any of the overly populated planets, like Persephone. The upside of the whole disaster was that she was much more herself when she was with the crew.

Although she was still 'weird' to the rest of them, Simon could see more and more glimmers of his sister shining through. The more she interacted with them, the more 'normal' she became.

But there was this regress every time she left the safety of the ship. Simon wished he could figure out what was wrong, but as hard as she tried, River couldn't explain what happened to her when she went into this trance.

"Mal, I need to take her back to the ship," Simon said, coming out of his thoughts. Turning, he saw that the rest of the crew was staring at him, waiting.

"If I take her now I might be able to catch and counter whatever is happening to her. And I don't want to lose all the progress she's made. Every time we take her planet side, she slips back a little more and it takes days for her to return to normal again," Simon explained.

Mal stared from Simon to River, and then back again. Sighing, he said. "Alright then, as long as it's for her own good. But give Jayne the list of supplies you needed."

Simon thanked him, and handed the neat list over to the grumbling merc. He stepped over to River who was still standing with the empty stare on her face.

"Come on _mei-mei_, we're going back to the ship," Simon whispered into his sister's ear.

He thought he may have imagined it, but she seemed to relax at his words.

----- -----

Very short, sorry about that, but I'll start working on the next chapter ASAP. Hope you enjoyed that little brief intro.


	2. Painful Reflections

Well here's the first chapter. Technically 2nd, but the first one is the intro, so yea. Enjoy.

**----- -----**

**Agony**

**Painful Reflections**

Curled in the recesses of her mind, River was in deep contemplation about the crew of Serenity. They were so much more of a family to her and Simon than their actual parents had ever been.

She knew that deep down her mother loved her.. had always loved her. But because of pride, and the image she had to constantly uphold, she could never express the love she felt for her children.

Many nights when she was a child, years before going to the Academy, River would let her mind wander; dreaming of what it would be like if it was just herself, her mother and brother, existing together without the pressure of living in a restricting society. They were beautiful and loving dreams, where she had no father, only the love of a happy mother and adoring brother. River had often pretended that those dreams were the reality, and life was just a dream.

Her father was such a prideful man; she couldn't imagine how any respectful woman could marry such a cold man. At one point when she was a child, River had asked her mother why she had married her father. Were they in love? Had they ever been in love? Instead of reassuring her young daughter, she had let any betrayal of emotion flow from her face, and left the room. River had never brought up those questions again.

Although the Tams had spoiled their children and lavished them with all the luxuries of the upper classes on Osiris, they had for the most part deprived them of the close relationship children needed with their parents. Gabriel Tam had rarely shown his children any affection. River couldn't recall receiving even a single hug from her father. Their mother had done her best to show Simon and River her love, but she had been raised to be a respectful Osiris woman, and had a difficult time, even when her husband was not around.

While at the Academy, as well as after, River would try to reach her mother's mind, hoping that her mother thought of her. She tried desperately to find the soothing comforts of her old dreams, but she could no longer dissolve into the depths of her childhood imagination. The distance was too far, and her own mind had locked up her imagination long ago. The rigorous trainings she had been forced through in the Academy had taught her to rationalize everything, which left no room for girlish daydreams.

It saddened River deeply to know that people like her parents lived in such a unfeeling manner. No one was born like that. She knew from meeting her grandparents why her mother was so indifferent. Her grandfather's ideas of how a woman should be were exactly what her mother had become; unemotional, detached and above all, respectful of her husband. The same traits could be observed in her mother and in her grandmother as well.

She saw the chain reaction of things like that all the time. If a child is beaten and unloved by his father, he is more likely to beat his own son because that was the only way he knew to raise a child. Likewise, his son would then grow up to beat his own son. Many people didn't see these chains, or if they did were unable to break the chain.

At the edge of her musings, River could feel a tugging that she knew to be her brother. He must be trying to pull her out. She felt so bad, so selfish to stay locked inside herself when it caused her brother so much grief. But she wouldn't come out this time until she could tell him just what was wrong, why she could no longer keep out the thoughts of others.

It did no good to just rush at a problem to figure it out. She had to relax her mind, let herself forget what she was trying to discover, and eventually it would come to her, slipping into her conscience like a lost puppy who had found its way home.

So once again, she let her mind wander to old memories, hoping that the answer would come soon so she could ease her brother's troubles.

-----

"_Huai le,_" Simon whispered.

Mal came to stand next to the doctor, staring down at his young pilot.

"Yes, but what's wrong with her?" he asked, worry crossing his face.

"If I knew, we wouldn't still be planet side," Simon snapped at him, striding over to the counter. Placing both hands on the countertop, he let his head hang between his shoulders.

Mal stayed quietly by River's side. After taking a few moments to calm himself down, Simon turned back to Mal.

"I'm really sorry. I'm just so worried about her. She's all I have left… of my old life," he choked out. "She's never been out this long. Her vitals are fine.. It's like she's just slipped into a coma."

"Could she do that?" asked Mal, furrowing his brows.

"Considering what we've seen her do before, it's completely possible."

"Well if'n that's the case, I reckon she'd be the only one who could bring herself outta this. Or am I totally off?"

Simon considered this. "That makes perfectly logical sense. But still, I should-"

Mal cut him off, "You should be doin' what you can to help her outta it. I may not be a doctor, but I'm thinking that pumping her full of drugs ain't the best way to pull her outta this funk."

Simon looked about to say something, but Mal kept going.

"Now, since she's the only one who can properly fly this boat, we're stuck here 'til she comes out of this, or we find another pilot. Now I'm not too shiny on the idea of hirin' a new man, so I'm gonna give her three days to come 'round before looking for a new man." Mal held up three fingers to emphasize his words.

"That means that me, Jayne and Zoe are gonna have to go tell our new client there's gonna be a bit of a delay. While we're gone, you need to do everything you can to get my lil' albatross to bring herself out of her little 'coma'. _Dong ma_?"

"Yes, sir," Simon replied, sighing.

"Good. I'd better go inform the crew about what's goin' on." Mal turned and gave River's hand a little squeeze, then left the infirmary.

Simon watched the captain leave, and then turned back to his sister. Kneeling down next to her, he whispered in her ear.

"Whatever you're doing, I know it must be for the best. But please River, come back to us soon. _Ma shong_, _mei-mei_."

-----

Deep where River was thinking, she felt the tug of her brother again. She felt the words he spoke to her as they resounded through her body and mind. At least he seemed to understand that she was doing something important. If only she could let him know, but she didn't think she could find her way back into the state she was in if she came out.

She meant everything to her brother. She knew because she saw it every time he came near her. It was a blessing to know she was so loved by one individual, but at the same time it was a curse. She knew how easily it would be for someone to hurt him through her.

Simon's mind was full of grays and blues of worry, and the deep purple hues of stress. At a first glance he seemed very open, with few layers to his mind. But on closer inspection it was full of little nooks and crannies, hiding personal information and memories. She never pushed into these thoughts, but sometimes little bubbles of feelings would come through and touch her.

There were also the rosy colors, the yellows and pinks that wound through the darker colors of his mind. He deeply loved River, his brilliant little genius of a sister. She loved the feeling of these colors brushing by her. Regularly she saw snippets of memories of herself dancing or drawing. She felt his intense hope that someday he could return her to her old self. She wished she could hold such optimism.

Along with the love for her, Simon cared deeply for Kaylee. She was someone he could turn his thoughts to when stress piled upon him.

She hated being able to see peoples' minds. She knew she couldn't help it, but she still felt like a thief every time she saw their secrets. It made her feel dirty.

Especially when she was brushed by Kaylee's thoughts. The bubbly mechanic was so full of happiness and life, her mind was like a magnet to River. Kaylee was full of sunshine and flowers. She loved life, and she was almost pure because of it. There was very little darkness to Kaylee's mind, and what there was of it was mostly guilt for doing things she felt bad about. She seemed to have an almost childlike innocence. Clean colors of yellow, pink, and lavender swirled with white. River could see why her brother loved Kaylee so much.

That's why she felt so bad venturing into Kaylee's mind. It was selfish of her to use someone's mind to soothe herself. But often on bad days she used Kaylee's mind as a blanket against the painful memories. She never dug deep, only used the outer edges of the mechanic's mind to pacify herself. She knew that Kaylee wouldn't object, would most likely offer her own mind to help River, but she still couldn't help feeling like a bad person.

-----

Jayne stood outside the infirmary door, the box of medical supplies in his hands. The crazy little girl lying inside that room caused them so much trouble. Now they would have to risk getting shot just so she could have a little more time to recoup. Jayne knew that Wash had had a friend on Persephone that he used to fly with. Hell, he had brought it up to Mal, but the damned captained cared so much for that girl. He was like a father to her.

'But then, she really does need a father.. Someone to protect her,' he thought to himself.

What was he thinking? He had seen how that girl could take care of herself when she took out all those Reavers.

'Still… every girl needs someone to protect her from the big bad world.'

----- -----

_Huai le_— something's wrong

_Ma shong, mei-mei_— hurry Sister

Well there it is; the first real chapter. I hope it's a good start. Don't worry, there will be some Rayne action going on later, but I want to get the plot rolling before I get that in there. Tell me what you think, and I'm a little rusty on all the vague details of the show since I haven't watched it in a while. If I get any spellings wrong or something else is off, please let me know. Also, I'd appreciate it if you guys could give me some good Chinese words/ translations.


	3. Let's Trade

Here we go. Chapter 3! Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate the feedback.

Stormwolf- The links didn't come through. I'm not sure exactly what you were talking about, but it sounds helpful D

Michebabyblue- Thanks for pointing that out. I went back and changed it, so now it's a lot more understandable.

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**Agony**

**Let's Trade**

"Jayne?" Jayne jumped when he heard the Doc's voice ring clearly from behind him.

"Sorry if I startled you. I assume those are my medical supplies?" the younger man continued. Jayne just stared for a moment, then got his bearings and shoved the box roughly into the doctor's waiting arms.

Simon stumbled slightly from the impact. He mumbled a thank you, frustrating Jayne even further. He had been embarrassed by being startled by the younger man, and he was aching for a fight. It just proved that much more to him that their Doc was a pussy.

"Capt'n wanted me to tell ya that we're headed off to deliver the news. He also wants ya to know that you're in charge of dinner t'night, seein' as Kaylee's busy tunin' the boat."

He got a bit of pleasure at the look of annoyance on the other man's face, hoping that he would make it better by complaining about the chore. However, instead of protesting he just stepped past Jayne to the infirmary door. Still holding the box of supplies he clumsily opened the door. Jayne sniggered as he watched the man struggle, not bothering to help.

Instead of reacting, Simon just slipped in the door and let it shut firmly behind him. He was in no mood to be baited by the big Merc.

-----

River felt a stream of red anger trickle in the room where her physical body rested. After a timid probing of who the anger belonged to, she wondered who had pissed her brother off so royally.

She reasoned that it had most likely been the big man. Now he was one to be careful of. Although he was nowhere equal to her in dexterity, he was as close to her equal in fighting and killing as most men could be. Just like her, he was programmed as a weapon.

How often did Mal call him his hired gun? He would be a good partner to hone her abilities. To everyone else her fighting skills would seem perfect, deadly. But she could feel it in every step she took. Without constant practice she would be much less accurate, just like a dirty gun.

And his mind; it was comforting because his thoughts were so straightforward. Browns, tans and light greens made up his thoughts, only rarely visited by red anger, and more often the spiking violet of lust.

His mind was so smooth, never trying to hide anything. He never thought one way but acted another. She never had to worry about random thoughts and bad memories bombarding her when her mind was near his. Any bad memories he had he kept right next to everything else. He didn't push them away, but he didn't dwell on them either. They simply coexisted.

Out of all the people on the ship, she didn't mind viewing Jayne's thoughts. Maybe because deep down he was so similar to her. She imagined her own mind would look very similar to his, just more vast. Where he had pure animalistic instinct, she was replaced with deadly logic. But they both had the vital ruthlessness needed in a human weapon.

Sometimes she would get caught up in his thoughts. They were just so simplistic; it was easy to desire such an effortless way of thinking. He never over-thought a situation. His entire world revolved around food, sleep, sex, and keeping himself alive. That was all he needed.

She wished she could have a life like that. But how could she? With a mind like hers, the things she had learned. There was no way she could ever revert to a life that simplistic.

-----

"Do you need any help?" Simon offered as he walked into the engine room where Kaylee was working.

"Oh, Simon!" she exclaimed, jumping up to face him. "You startled me!"

Simon smiled at the pretty mechanic, thinking about how much he cared for her.

She grabbed up a towel to wipe of her greasy hands. "I don't have anything you could help me with, I'm almost done here, but as long as you're not busy elsewhere, I'd love the company. Of course, I spose if you had somewhere else to be you'd be there doing that wouldn't you? Unless of course-" She noticed him smiling at her.

Blushing she said, "I'm babbling, aren't I?"

"It's cute when you babble," he said, still smiling. He came closer and pulled her into a hug.

"It's not cute, it's embarrassing," she mumbled into his chest.

He chuckled. "That makes it cuter. You're face gets all rosy and you smile that adorable little smile."

She looked up into his handsom face. "I don't deserve that sort of praise."

"Why would think something like that?" he asked, pushing her to arms length so he could look at her.

She grinned, poking him in the chest. "I'm just kidding silly. I just want more compliments."

Laughing Simon grabbed her up and kissed her deeply. While she was preoccupied by his kiss, he took the opportunity to move his hands to her sides and tickle her. Squealing with laughter she jumped away from the offending hands.

He started after her, and she tried to hide behind the engine. Following, he reached for her, trying to get at her ticklish sides.

"Simon!" she gasped. "I need to finish tuning the engine before the others get back!"

Heaving a sigh, he sat next to her and looked into her eyes. "I suppose you're right. Seeing as this little outing probably didn't go well, Mal will be upset when he gets back. And I still need to make dinner."

He stood up, then pulled Kaylee up next to him. He hugged her and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "If you get done early come help me up in the kitchens, alright?"

"I'll see what I can do, although you know you're a far better cook than me."

-----

As he entered the kitchen Simon saw Inara sitting at the table with a mug of some steaming liquid in front of her.

"Hello Inara. How are you?" he asked, going to the cupboard to pull out some food stuffs.

"Oh, hello Simon. I'm fine, just a little bored. I have no clients until tomorrow, and I don't really want to go anywhere until… until Kaylee can come with me," she fumbled.

Simon had a feeling she was worried about Mal. She was always like this when he went on a job of any kind. It was so obvious to everyone how in love those two were. Why couldn't they admit it? The least they could do was admit to being worried about each other.

"Don't want to go alone? Kaylee mentioned she was about done with the engine so she should be free to go with you if you'd still like to go later."

Inara nodded absently. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, the sounds of pots on pans and water running the only noise.

"How is River doing?" she asked, breaking the silence.

Simon sighed. "She's the same. Nothing seems to be working to help her bring herself out of the coma. I'm thinking Mal must be right about her being the only one to bring her out of it. I've tried all the usual treatments that are used for coma patients, and none seem to be working. We can only hope she'll wake up soon."

"I've heard sometimes it can help if someone talks to the coma patient. You wouldn't mind if I went and talked with her would you? It would give me something to do, and being a woman myself, maybe I can help somehow."

Simon puzzled this over. "Well it wouldn't hurt. I never really thought of asking anyone else to talk to her. She's just so different than everyone on this ship… I would give anything for my sister to have a normal life."

Inara smiled warmly at the young man. "I know how much you care for your sister. We all do. And we respect that bond. You do the best you can for her. No one expects any more than that. Especially River."

Simon nodded, smiling back at the companion. "Thank you for that Inara."

Smiling again, Inara stood up, put away her mug, and left for the infirmary.

-----

"I'm gonna get shot," Mal muttered under his breath.

"Whatever gave you that idea, Captain," Zoe muttered back.

Jayne just glared around at the twenty or so guns that were pointed at their heads. Not only were the men holding weapons, but most of them were the size of Jayne, or close to it.

"Hello Mal," drawled a voice from behind the hulking offenders.

"_Gwai-gwai long duh dong,_" Mal cursed. "Barty, mind calling off your boys?"

Jayne and Zoe shared confused glances.

"Uh, Mal-" Jayne started.

"Yea. I know him," Mal said through gritted teeth.

"Of course he knows me!" the greasy man scoffed. "We're good pals. I've known him since before the war. Yep, me an' Mal, we go way back." A malicious toothy smile crossed Barty's face.

"Ya see," he continued, "I got Mal out of a real tight spot some time ago."

"What kind of tight spot?" Zoe asked, narrowing her eyes at the shifty man in front of her.

"Well my dear, that bit's between me an' your good Cap'n here. It's up to him if he wants to be telling' you or not. You'll have to take that up with him." The look Zoe gave Mal then said that that was exactly what she was going to do once they got out of this mess.

Barty paced before them, looking Jayne and Zoe up and down. He was a short, stocky man, his thickset form clothed in dirty work attire. Atop a thin covering of greasy brown hair was a tattered brown leather hat. His dark deep-set eyes peered out at them from under the wide brim. The leathery skin on his face was pockmarked, and the large bulbous nose looked as if it had been broken more than a handful of times. Worst of all was his big mouth, housing a mouthful of yellowed, crooked teeth.

He stopped again in front of Mal. "Anyway, I didn't come here to chat up the past," Barty said, smiling his hideous smile again.

"Well what _did_ you want from me then Barty?" Mal sneered.

"Not too long ago it came to my attention that a very wealthy research facility, called the Academy, lost a bit of property. She had a very handsom reward on her head if I do recall. Now I wouldn't have given this much of a second thought, except that with all the recent turmoil of Miranda, I was able to find out that a certain Captain friend of mine was wrapped up tight in those happenings." As a hint of understanding crossed Mal's face, Barty gave a big smile of triumph.

"The Academy was supposed to have stopped chasing River after Miranda. There would be no reward now. Even you should know that Barty," sneered Mal.

Barty's smile got wider. "Ah, but you see, that's not the case at all. Just because they pulled the fed's off the girl, doesn't mean they stopped looking for her. See, they put a lot of money into this girl, and they haven't quite finished all the tests they had planned. So they went about finding people who knew you and the rest of your crew. People who could possibly bring you in, with the girl in tow."

Mal gave the man a glare so full of poison it should have knocked him dead. "Well River Tam isn't with us. And tough shit if you think we'd ever give her up to the likes of you or the Academy."

"Now Mal, is that any way to treat a man who saved your life?"

"You can't even begin to understand what those heathens would do with that girl if she's sent back there. Come on Barty. They tortured that girl. They turned her into a weapon. They raped her mind so that she still doesn't function right. A little girl, Barty. Not even you could send someone to that fate," Mal pleaded with the man. But from the look on Barty's face he could see there was no arguing.

"I'm sorry Mal, but money is more important to me than the well-being of some crazy woman-child. Now, I'm well aware that you'll be taking cargo out to the small shit-planet of Beylix. When you drop off your cargo, I expect you to bring that girl to me. Until then, this one stays with us," Barty motioned his men towards Zoe.

When Mal tried to jump to help her, he was instantly shoved back by the other men's guns.

"Don't worry Mal; she'll be perfectly safe with us. You have my word on that. But until you deliver the Tam girl to us, she's in our custody," the men began dragging Zoe off to the vehicle they had come in. Zoe turned her head right before she was pushed in. The look in her eyes begged him not to give up River.

"You'd best be off now Mal. Must go confirm that shipment." Barty gave out an appalling bark of laughter, and with that he and the rest of his men piled into the vehicle and they shot away.

Mal stomped off to a wall, punching it.

"_Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo!" _Mall shouted at the offending wall.

"Mal," Jayne said coming up behind his Captain. "What in the ruttin hell are we gonna do now?"

"I don't _fucking_ know Jayne!" he snarled. Jayne recoiled from the smaller man's viciousness.

The both of them stood there in the middle of the alley, Mal fuming and Jayne lost.

Mumbling something under his breath, Mal said "Shit. Well we still gotta tell our man 'bout the shipment before we do anythin' else. Beylix is a good two weeks travel from here. We'll have time to think between here and there. There's gotta be something we can do…"

-----

Something was wrong. Very wrong. River could feel it in the pulses of the Crew's minds.

And she could sense them. They somehow always stayed right by her mind. She could always sense them, no matter how far or near her they were. They had something planned for her. She couldn't sense what it was, but anything they planned would be bad.

She had to find her answer soon. She could feel she was needed back on the ship. But it was so important that she tell Simon what was wrong. She couldn't help anyone, including herself, in the state of confusion that she was in.

Then suddenly a shot of fear exploded into her mind.

'Zoe!' her own scream reverberated through her head.

Not Zoe. So much had happened to that woman. She didn't need anymore pain. After the death of Wash, the strong woman had pulled herself into a shell of duty. One of the top priorities in River's mind had been how she could help the woman.

Zoe's mind was full of rips and tears where Wash's death had torn into her mind. Deep blues almost the color of black filled her mind. The sickly yellow of loss flooded her dreams, and during her wakefulness it flittered in the deep recesses. Loss of a husband. Loss of the children she would never have.

Now she was in danger, and River was stuck in her own mind, unable to help.

'I must hurry,' she thought. 'The only problem; that knowledge will make it harder for me to find the answer…'

----- -----

_Gwai-gwai long duh dong_- what the hell

_Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo!_- Filthy fornicators of livestock!

A bit longer than the first two. I've got the plot started rolling now, although there's a bit more to introduce first. Still haven't decided when I'll bring River out of her little trance. Soon I hope D


	4. Desperation

Well Christmas vacation has given me a lot of free time so I'm really rolling on this story. I've also been spending some extra time rewatching the shows, since I just bought them off iTunes (now I can take firefly wherever I go!) I realized they use a lot of Chinese in the show, so I tried to put a bit more of that in here. Well enjoy the chapter! And thanks for the reviews!

Stormwolf- I got your email. The links are great, thanks!! The translators have really helped.

CerealKiller- Yea, I have to agree that she's not one of my favorites, but she's still pretty badass. I would have used Jayne instead, but we need him back on the ship D

Snakeyes- I'm glad you like it, and thank you for the site, it's been amazingly helpful!

Angel Monroe- I appreciate that you pointed that stuff out. I went back and changed it as best I could. I'll admit I kind of guessed on the background. Thanks' for setting me straight. I hope the revision is more appropriate.

----- -----

**Agony**

**Desperation**

"Doc! Doc!" Mal yelled as him and Jayne came barreling onto the ship. "Where is that blasted doctor!"

"Hi Cap'n, how'd it go?" Kaylee asked sunnily as she walked down the stairs to the cargo hold. Seeing the looks on her friends' faces, the smile dropped from her face. "Someone got shot. Where's Zoe?"

Mal ignored her questions and instead stomped off to find Simon.

"No one got shot." Jayne said, stepping up next to Kaylee. "We were ambushed. They got Zoe, an they're expectin' us ta hand over Crazy in exchange."

"_Húndans,_" Kaylee whispered. "Well what'd the Captain do?"

Jayne shook his head. "What could he've done? If he'd tried to do anythin', we'd be deader'n mice in a cat factory. Those men had us surrounded. Barty promised not to harm Zoe, and the Cap'n said that the man always keeps his word."

"But what're we gonna do? We can't give up River. You know what those _húndans_ would do to her if'n we gave'r her up."

"Of course he's not gonna give up the girl. Don't worry lil' Kaylee. The Cap'n will come up with somthin'."

-----

Simon was just leaving the infirmary when he heard someone stomping down the hallway.

'Mal must be back. Sounds like things went south. Again. I just hope he isn't shot up too bad this time.'

"There you are!" Mal shouted at him. The captain came to a stop right in front of him.

"Uh. Yes. Here I am. So what kind of wounds am I stitching up today?" he asked, trying to ease the tension.

"We were ambushed on the way to our contact's place. They've got Zoe."

Simon's face paled. "Well you're going to throw together a rescue party now, right?"

"We couldn't follow 'em. I reckon by now they've already left the planet," Mal explained, shaking his head.

"Well what did they want?"

Mal looked the doctor squarely in the face. Heaving a deep sigh, he told Simon what Barty wanted in return for Zoe.

"_Wuh de tyen, ah._"

Mal put his hands on Simon's shoulders, so he was forced to look Mal in the face.

"We're not gonna give up your sister. I promise. I'll give my own life before lettin' my little albatross be taken by those _húndans_ again, _dong ma?"_

-----

Not Zoe. Why Zoe? How could she have let this happen? She was so wrapped up in her own mind that she had let one of her Crew, her family be taken. She should have foreseen this. She could have sensed this if she had just come out of her blackout.

'No,' River thought to herself. 'I _have_ to figure out what is wrong with me. If I am broken, then I am useless to them. With so many thoughts in my brain, I would not have been able to detect a threat.'

She could feel worry and grief all around her now. The Captain must have shared the bad news. His own anxiety would be covered by anger at the people who had kidnapped. Of course, everyone would know how he felt. They'd all lived around him long enough to know how he felt by the way he reacted.

She herself could feel his thoughts pounding around her. In a way his concern eased her worry. Mal would do all he could to rescue one of his Crew, especially his second in command.

Mal had so many bad memories. From the war. From jobs gone wrong. And from Miranda. But he cared so much about his own. River and Kaylee were like his daughters. Simon and Jayne were his younger brothers. Zoe was his best friend.

And Inara. He loved her so deeply. River was almost jealous of how much love that woman could receive from one man. She knew it was foolish to ever hope for such love. She just prayed that if she ever was blessed with such intense devotion, she wouldn't be as bound by rules and pride as Inara was.

-----

Simon sat, head in his hands. He felt terrible. Every time something happened connecting them with the Academy, Simon felt like the whole Crew was mad at the two Tam siblings. He wished he knew how he could help Zoe, but he was a doctor. He wasn't some big strong man who could just burst right in, start a fight and save everyone. He was the one who fixed the warriors up after their big heroics.

He looked up from his hands, across the room at his little _mei-mei_. His beautiful, genius little sister. The one who had teased him when they were little, had showed him up in every field, whether it be mental or physical. And of course, the sister who threw up on his bed.

She was a wonder. It was such a complete shame that she'd gone to the Academy. They had stripped her of the things that had made her River. Her love of life.

When they were kids he had sat with her in the gardens near their home, watching her play and dance on the lawns, floating like the sweet winds. She was as alive and beautiful as the flowers that grew around them.

And she'd sing songs with the birds, lullabies and sonnets about love and friends. Sometimes she'd sing songs written by poets of old. Even more she'd just sing whatever came to mind.

He'd give anything for her to have that life again. But she had gone through so much torture in the academy there was no possibility of her ever recovering that vivacity.

And he planned on doing everything in his power to obtain revenge for the atrocities his sister had endured.

Standing, Simon checked the machines that displayed River's vitals. Still stable, but no signs of recovery.

Remembering what Inara had said about talking to River, he moved over to River's side, taking her small, soft hand in his own. It was worth a try.

"River, honey, if you can hear me, please listen. Zoe's been taken. We need to go get her. But we can't do it without you mei-mei. We need you to fly us." Simon pet her soft hair, hoping.

But she didn't stir.

"River. Please," he begged her.

'This is stupid,' he thought to himself. 'How could talking to her possibly help?'

-----

The crew was gathered in the kitchen. Mal had finished explaining Zoe's kidnap to them, and they all sat in an uncomfortable silence.

Kaylee sat quietly, tears streaming from her eyes. Simon sat next to her with his arm encircled about her shoulders, holding her to him.

Jayne had no expression on his face at all. He just sat with his arms crossed. Inara also sat silently. But there was a look of such sorrow on her face; it was hard to believe she herself wasn't crying.

Mal watched the rest of his crew, reading their expressions, or lack of them. They were a family, and someone had hurt one of them. His crew would fight to the death to get her back.

"This is bad. What're we gonna do Cap'n?" Kaylee asked suddenly through her tears.

"_Fang-xin_,_ mei-mei_. Zoe will be alright," Inara whispered to her.

"I _know_ Zoe will be alright," Kaylee wailed. "But what about River!?"

Mal chuckled. "I believe that girl can take care of herself. And I _won't_ let anything happen to her."

Suddenly Jayne snarled, "Well if that _yu jing shen bing gui nu _can take such good care of herself, then why don' we throw her to those men an' get Zoe back?"

Mal swore. He was out of his seat and about to tear Jayne out of his when Simon stood up.

"_Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro,_" he said, almost too quiet to hear. He stared daggers into Jayne, making the merc snap his mouth shut. "No one from that vile place will ever get their hands on my little _mei-mei _ever again, as long as I am breathing. I thought you had finally realized that. But I guess you really are the untrained ape I always thought you were."

Jayne was about to retort when Mal slapped him in the side of the head. The look he gave him suggested he was very close to being tossed out the airlock.

But instead of keeping quiet, Jayne went on, although he spoke a little more carefully.

"I'm just sayin'. Not that we should give her up. But you saw what she did to them gorram reavers. She _can_ take care of herself. What if we pretended to give her up, so we could get Zoe? Then she could break herself out," he said, careful not to anger Mal anymore than he had.

"_Cai bu shi_," said Simon. "Too many scenarios. There's a lot of room for things to go wrong."

"Well I don't see anyone else comin' up with any ideas," Jayne challenged.

"_Bu-ti-tie de nan_," Inara interrupted. "Always taking the simple way out. You obviously didn't think when you came up with your _plan_. Could you really expect her to go along with that?"

Simon nodded, breaking in, "If you hadn't noticed, she's not in best position to be giving herself up. She's helpless right now. She couldn't defend herself if-."

Jayne stood up, raising his voice over the doctors. "Well that's your problem. You're the doctor here. Why's she still sleepin'? You've been to those fancy doctorin' schools. You should know how to get her outta this funk."

Simon clenched his teeth at the merc's jabs. "I'm doing the best I can. I don't see you trying to help. Instead, you're just telling us to give her up to the people that made her like this."

"Fine. You want me to do somthin'?" said Jayne. He started for the door.

"Where the hell do ya think you're goin'?" asked Mal, his eyes narrowing.

"Din' ya hear?" Jayne asked. "Doc wants my help wakin' his little moonbrain of a sister." And with that he had exited the room.

"_Pian ze de sha gua,_" Mal muttered as he followed his hired gun. Before he left he yelled back at his crew. "Everyone stay here. Except you, Doc. Let's just hope I don't have to throw anyone outta the airlock."

-----

When Mal turned the corner and didn't see Jayne, he started to jog down the hallway. He wasn't sure what the big man would attempt, but he had known Jayne long enough to not take any chances. Behind him he heard Simon pick up the pace as well.

"What do you think he'll do?" Simon asked, more than a hint of worry in his voice. "He won't hurt her will he?"

"Not intentionally. He's got too much love for his own gorramn skin."

The two men heard yelling as they came into sight of the infirmary. Mal cursed under his breath.

Jayne was pacing around the room, yelling at River about how everything was her fault, and how she was being selfish when they needed her most. Mal placed a hand on Simon's shoulder as the doctor tried to push into the room.

"Just wait," Mal whispered.

Jayne had stopped stomping around and instead stood by River's prone form, his back to her. He was mumbling something to himself.

Then, with a quickness that no one could have expected of such a large man, Jayne whipped around and started shaking the small girl. It was something he would have never dared do if she'd been awake.

Mal and Simon were on him just as fast, but he'd already been able to give her a good shake. The two smaller men were able to pull Jayne back, his hands dropping to his sides. Instead of fighting them off, he wordlessly wrenched from their grasp and strode from the room.

Simon rushed to his sister's side, checking her pulse and breathing.

"She ok?" Mal asked.

"I think so. Her vitals are still steady."

"Good. Now I'm gonna go rip that man a new one," he growled, leaving the room.

Simon gave River one more check and then followed.

Out in the hall Mall was doing exactly as he had said he would. Simon could see a large patch of purple around Jayne's eye where the Captain had most likely punched him.

"What the ruttin' hell did you think you were doing, _ni hun qiu_?" Mal bellowed at him. "Do you realize you could have seriously injured that little girl? She's _half your size_! Less than that!"

Jayne just shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mal. I don't know what came over me. "

Mal ignored his apology and kept yelling. "I understand you're angry. You feel like you should have been able to keep those men from kidnapping Zoe. I feel the same way. But you don't see me taking it out on little girls!"

Jayne mumbled something, and Mal just shook his head at the merc. "I want you outta my sight. Before I throw you out the airlock right now."

Before any of them could get another word out, a voice from behind them made them all turn.

"It is very hard for the brain to process with so much interference. I would greatly appreciate it if the men could take their argument elsewhere."

----- -----

_Wuh de tyen, ah_- dear god in heaven

_Fang-xin_,_ mei-mei_- don't worry, sister

_Yu jing shen bing gui nu_- crazy woman

_Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro_- inbred sack of meat

_Cai bu shi_- no way

_Bu-ti-tie de nan_- inconsiderate boy

_Pian ze de sha gua-_ stubborn idiot

_Ni hun qiu_- you no-good bastard

Yea, I realize that ending is pretty cliché, and it was really obvious that that's what would happen, but I'm tired and that's the best I can do right now D I'll start working on the next chapter once I get a good night's sleep. Keep reviewing!


	5. Understanding

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. I've been extremely busy, but now I should be able to get back into writing. You can thank my cousin, since she reminded me that it's been a while since I've added a chapter. I'll try to get another chapter up after this soon. Enjoy!

----- -----

**Agony**

**Understanding**

At the sight of his sister standing there before them, Simon's mouth popped open and he let out a strangled gasp. Jayne just stared.

Mal looked at the young girl, glanced over at Jayne and then let out a bellow of laughter.

River jumped from the sudden outburst from the Captain. Simon gave him a quizzical look, wondering what in the 'verse was so damned funny.

Seeing the look on Simon's face, Mal just motioned from River to Jayne, bursts of laughter keeping him from talking.

Simon was about to find out why the Captain was laughing at his _mei-mei_ when Jayne beat him to it.

"What the gorram hell are you laughing at!" he roared.

Mal was trying to calm down his laughter when River chimed in.

"The Captain finds it amusing that I stay shut down for days, but when the big man shook me I regain consciousness almost immediately. Also, the combination of losing Zoe and relief at me awakening is being expressed through an outburst of laughter. His way of dealing with pressure."

Simon stared blankly at her, still confused. "Ah. I see. Uh, so was it Jayne who woke you up?"

"Of course not. It was simply coincidence that the task was finished about the same point in time as the big man's outburst." She gave him the familiar look that said that should have been obvious.

"Well shiny. Girl's up, now we can getta move on. I'll be in my bunk. Let me know if anythin' needs doin'," Jayne cut in, and with that he stomped off down the hall.

Mal shook his head, chuckling again. "Well, I know this is a happy moment for you Doc, but Jayne's right. Now she's up, we need to get our little pilot flying so we can get Zoe."

"I understand our need to get flying Sir, but I think it's very important I give her a quick check over before," Simon said.

"I reckon you're right. Wouldn't do to have her going out in the middle of take-off. Get her checked out and then have her up on the bridge, _dong ma_?"

Simon nodded, and Mal walked off down the hall, presumably to let the rest of the crew in on the news.

-----

In the Infirmary, River sat on the table while Simon checked over her vitals.

While Simon checked over the stats, River gathered her thoughts. She had to straighten out her thoughts before she could explain the problems to Simon. She might be a genius, but ever since the Academy she had an extremely hard time getting full thoughts out.

She knew there wasn't much time before the rest of the crew came to see how she was faring, so she had to talk to Simon now.

"The problem is understood," she blurted.

Simon jumped at the noise. "What?"

"The problem has been examined. After much calculation, a conclusion has been drawn. However, there is still no solution." She looked into her brother's eyes, hoping he understood.

"River, I don't understand. What problem?"

River stared at her hands, thinking. After a few moments she looked up again.

"Thoughts. Masses. Unfamiliar memories override the brain. Too much, can't handle all the alien thought."

Simon still looked puzzled. River began to get frustrated. Why couldn't he understand? What did she need to tell him for him to understand what she was saying?

Then a thought came to her. "Out there." She motioned away from them, in all directions.

"The crew?" he asked. "Are you being overwhelmed by their thoughts?"

She shook her head. Not right, but they were getting close.

"Not them. All the rest." She motioned again.

Simon puzzled over this. She could see the thoughts weaving in his mind. He was close to an understanding, but not quite there.

"Unfamiliar persons," she added, hoping it might help.

It clicked.

"You're being overwhelmed by the thoughts of other people? Like on Persephone?" He asked, his voice tremulous with his excitement at understanding.

She nodded vigorously.

"So you can deal with the thoughts of the crew, and myself? But once you get close to other people, especially in large groups, that's what overwhelms you?"

"Yes. Unfamiliar, unprepared for their strange thoughts."

Simon laughed, hugging her tightly to him. Happiness at understanding her problems radiated off of him.

Now that she had expressed the problem to him, she would need to express her ideas for a solution.

During her meditation she had realized that reading minds was not about entering another person's mind. It was about letting the barriers down in your own mind and allowing the thoughts of others to enter. What she lacked was a barrier, or at least a strong one. Thoughts of other people just streamed in almost totally unfiltered.

Examining the natural barriers between the crews' minds would help. By studying their barriers, she might be able to create her own barrier.

"A barrier is needed," she explained to Simon. He had been staring at her while she contemplated what was needed.

She could see he didn't understand so she just smiled and shook her head.

"It will be explained in time."

-----

Once Serenity was safely in the black again they were all able to sit down and properly discuss what was going to happen.

Mal still refused to give River up. In fact, the only people on the ship that thought that giving her up was the right thing to do was Jayne, and River herself.

While the Crew argued about how they would retrieve Zoe, River just sat back in her chair, legs crossed, listening.

"I don't see why you can't just bust in there like you always do and bring her out. We managed it when you and Wash were taken, why wouldn't it work now?" Simon asked.

Mal looked up from the table and stared at the doctor. "You don't understand. This man, Barty, has some of the best fighters money can buy to keep him safe. And it's not just a few. He keeps a small army of those men guarding him at all times. You see, he's a bit paranoid. And that's putting it lightly. It would be impossible to just walk in and out of there with our lives."

"Mal's right," Jayne cut in. "The only one who'd have any chance in there would be the girl. And even then she'd have to take them by surprise."

"I'm _not_ letting her go in there alone!" Simon shouted at Jayne. Mal held up a hand to keep the two from starting up again.

At that, River piped in, "The big man is accurate in his thinking. I am entirely capable of defending myself, as well as the crew. Simon is simply a boob and cannot look past his though of me as his little baby sister."

Jayne chuckled. "Ya see? Even she agrees. Are you people forgettin' that she took on Reavers _single handed_? Now, I'll be the first to admit that those men Barty has with him are big, and more'n likely ruttin' good fighters. But I'd bet my left nut that not one of those gorramn men could take on a whole pack of Reavers by themselves."

While it was obvious that the rest of the crew agreed, they were still against putting River in danger.

Suddenly Inara leaned forward to address River.

"Honey, do you really think you could take on all those men?"

River stared levelly at Inara. "Of course. But not in my current condition. A plan must be properly formed. Everyone has a part. Must ruminate the situation. It will take time. At the moment I am corroded; sat on a shelf for too long, and actions are slowed. Critical training is in order."

For a few moments Mal sat back in his chair, thinking. The Crew waited while he went over what had been laid before him.

"While I know as well as any of you that River could take on those men, I'm not happy with this idea. I'm not agreein' to go along with this. Until River comes up with a plan and I decide to go along with it, she will not be going in there. If anyone has any ideas on what to do, it'd be rutting great if you'd let us in on it. I want options here. We only send River in if we can't come up with nothing else; and then only if she comes up with a decent plan. _Dong ma_?"

Slowly the crew nodded in agreement. Simon said nothing, simply sat with his arms folded, fuming.

River beamed at the people around her, then jumped up from the table and ran off. The rest of them stood up without a word and began to trickle out. Simon stormed off to the infirmary, Kaylee following close behind, hoping to talk to him and ease his mind. Inara had business to attend to in her room, and Mal decided to head to the bridge. Jayne was the last to leave, deciding he'd lift weights to calm his mind.

-----

On the way down to the cargo bay to lift, Jayne heard some sort of fast Celtic music playing. It was a catchy tune, with a bit of guitar and drums to add to the tune. As he stepped down onto the catwalk above the cargo area, he saw the Tam girl dancing and spinning in time to the music. He had to admit, when she danced, the girl almost seemed normal. And beautiful. Since most of the women Jayne had ever been with were whores, he was never really exposed to this kind of beauty. It was pure, young, and innocent. He felt dirty thinking those things about her because she was so young, but he couldn't help it. He was only a man after all.

His mind started to wander to other things as he caught sight of her soft legs when her skirt twirled up as she spun. Her tank top clung to her thin frame, and he stiffened as he tried to push the thoughts from his head. But he couldn't help imagining…

The song sped up and she began to dance fast. It was intoxicating. Jayne broke out in a sweat, and he could feel himself stiffen. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his brain.

Suddenly she stopped, eyes closed, with her face pointed up. She seemed to be listening. Jayne hope she couldn't hear his heavy breathing. He then realized she was sniffing. For some reason the thought that she could smell his excitement popped into his head.

As the song ended, she smiled and opened her eyes. He could be sure, but he thought she had glanced over in his direction. As the next song came on, this time a twangy old country song, she began to dance again; but this time with more movement with her feet than with her body. Jayne shook his head again, and walked the rest of the way down to the bench.

He was a couple feet from the bench when he realized River was no longer dancing in the middle of the room. The thought passed from his head when suddenly he found himself on his face next to the bench.

"What in the ruttin' hell-" he started, when he noticed the grinning face standing over him. It took him a moment before he realized…

"Ya tripped me ya little _boo hway-hun duh puo-foo_!" he roared, leaping to his feet. Instantly she raced off, and he was after her in a heartbeat.

She ran up the stairs and around the catwalk, with Jayne right on her tail. He stumbled as he followed her back down the other side. She ran with ease, and would playfully look back and stick out her tongue when he'd slow behind her, luring him into running faster.

Once she reached the cargo floor, she turned to see him pounce from five stairs, tackling her to the floor. She noticed that he rolled so that he wouldn't hurt her, but was able to keep a hold on her. Once he had her pinned to the floor, he glared down at her.

"Now if'n you could please inform me, what in the ruttin hell made ya think it was okay to trip me, girl?" he growled.

She giggled, and replied simply "Training."

Jayne stared at her, completely confused. He shook his head again, then let her go, standing up. She jumped up from the floor, catlike in her movements. Giggling again, she raced off up the stairs and through the door to the dining area.

"Crazy girl." He mumbled, and walked back over to the bench to do what he'd come to do.

-----

That night at dinner, the crew finally started to relax. Simon had calmed down and was talking with Kaylee, smiling as she told him a story about her childhood. Inara sat on Kaylee's other side, listening as well, laughing when Kaylee explained how she had tricked a boy from her neighborhood into giving her his toy replica of a small fighter ship.

Mal and Jayne both sat silently, eating their food without speaking.

River stared around, nibbling at her food. She was examining the people around her, watching the way they ate, the way they talked, or the way they didn't talk. She was constantly watching the world around her, learning. She hoped that by watching the others interact, she would slowly be able to act like a normal person again.

She thought about her 'game' with Jayne. She knew he was perfect to help her train. For the most part she could train with minimal help from the others, but there were times when she would need someone to work with. She needed a live enemy to practice with. She gathered a bunch of words in her mind, and fit them together. She needed to practice her conversation skills as well.

"Jayne chased me today," she interrupted.

The table got quiet, and the crew members stared first at her, and then at Jayne. He stared back at River with a shocked expression on his face.

River continued. "He chased me. And then he tackled me. From the stairs." She stared around at the stunned faces. She hoped she had put the dialogue in the correct form. From the looks she was getting, she realized she must have said something wrong. They would all think she was crazier than ever.

"Jayne!" Kaylee scolded.

Suddenly all eyes had turned to him, and everyone was waiting for him to explain himself.

"Okay now," he started, putting his hands up in defense. "Let's move this conversation in a 'not Jayne's fault' direction. _She_ tripped _me_ first!"

"So you chased her?! _And_ tackled her?!" Inara exclaimed.

"What if you had hurt her?" Simon asked. "You're bigger than her. I think I should probably take her to the infirmary to check if she's hurt…"

"Now come'on. I didn't hurt her none. I made sure not to land on her." Jayne protested.

After sitting back at listening to the argument around him, Mal burst out laughing. River was completely lost. She was just trying to have a conversation. What had she said that was wrong? Mal saw the puzzled look on River's face, and thought he knew what was going on.

"Calm down everyone. I don't think River was tattlin'. I think she was just trying to talk to us. She was just tellin' us about her day. Am I right, lil' albatross?" he asked, turning to her.

She nodded, glad the Captain had picked up on what she was doing.

"And I'm guessing she just wanted to play when she tripped Jayne."

River shook her head. "No. Consideration for training."

It was Mal's turn to give River a puzzled look. "Whatcha mean?"

She stopped to think, pondering how to say it.

"Training is needed. I'm out of tune. Rusty. Like an unused gun. He can help." She pointed at Jayne.

"Hey now, who says I'll help you train?" Jayne snorted from across the table.

"I agree. He can't help you train River. Why didn't you ask me? I can try to help you." Simon interjected.

River shook her head again. "He's the only one that comes close to my ability. Need his help." She turned to Jayne, pleading.

"Girl, you are _boo-tai jung-tzahng-duh_, you know that?" Jayne muttered.

Mal glared at Jayne. "I don't see anything wrong with Jayne helpin' you train, as long as no one gets hurt. That includes no hurtin' Jayne. No knifes, _dong ma_?"

River grinned, excited that she would be able to keep in shape. She jumped up from the table and gave Mal a huge hug. "I love my Captain!" she exclaimed, repeating the words she'd heard Kaylee use. Inara and Kaylee giggled, and Jayne just grumbled about the added duty.

"Must rest now," River explained. "We can start tomorrow."

"Ya know you're gonna have to pay me extra fer this right?" Jayne growled at Mal, and with that continued to stuff his face.

----- -----

_Boo hway-hun duh puo-foo-_ remorseless harridan

_Boo-tai jung-tzahng-duh_- not entirely sane

Well there it is. That's it for now. Ill start on the next chapter soon, but now I need a break. Hope everyone enjoyed it, please review!


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